


Andy and Peter

by Wandering_Swain



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Guardians of the Galaxy - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Parks and Recreation, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Co-worker bonding, Cousins, Friendsgiving, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I'm making a joke about Star-Load because I can, Kenny Loggins, Kid Fic, Memories, crossovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-02
Updated: 2015-05-26
Packaged: 2018-03-15 23:10:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3465491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wandering_Swain/pseuds/Wandering_Swain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So Andy has this cousin.</p><p>Andy was six months older than Peter. People got them confused, but Peter was shorter and squirmier and Andy was rounder and, generally, happier. When they were six or whatever, this meant he got to do stuff like steal his Stretch Armstrong and it was no big deal.</p><p>UPDATE: Peter comes for a visit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> All mistakes are my own because I don't have a beta reader. Message me if you find anything; I know I may already be warping time a bit by referencing Stretch Armstrong.
> 
> Story can be read to the tune of ["Missing You"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9e157Ner90) by John Waite in all its '80's glory. Or the theme song of Footloose.

Andy was six months older than his cousin Peter. People got them confused, but Peter was shorter and squirmier and Andy was rounder and, generally, happier. When they were six or whatever, this meant he got to do stuff like steal his Stretch Armstrong and it was no big deal. 

He also got to make fun of Peter for being afraid of the talking trees in The Wizard of Oz when they watched it during Thanksgiving at their grandpa’s house in Missouri. When the Wicked Witch melted in the end, though, Andy didn't laugh. They both freaked the fuck out. Aunt Meredith sat on the couch with them going, “Shh, big boys don’t cry.” Andy totally didn’t cry again the next year they saw it and if Peter saw otherwise, he was cool and stuff and didn’t say anything.

They would all meet up again at Christmas, which was usually at Andy’s grandma’s house in Pawnee. This wasn’t the grandma he and Peter shared but the one who was Andy’s dad’s mom. 

Meredith was invited every year because Mom was like, “Yeah, Aunt Meredith doesn’t really have it together right now. She still wants to go on a talk show about Peter’s father being space rays. Don’t say anything about that, okay?”

Andy thought your dad being space rays was a lot better than him being dead. 

The year he died, Andy remembered getting twice as many Christmas presents as Peter. He didn’t feel like playing with any of them. 

Aunt Meredith put on the Star Wars Christmas Special. Peter watched with him dutifully, even though it was boring, and they both fell asleep under the ugly plaid blanket on the couch that smelled like the inside of a closet. They woke up when Aunt Meredith turned off the TV and declared to the room that watching it any longer would be considered a violation of the Geneva Convention. He didn’t know what that meant, but they did get to watch “Thriller” soon after which was a lot more fun and somehow less scary than The Wizard of Oz.

The year after, Andy and Peter stood on the overhang at Grandma's in their hats and puffy coats, watching the adults smoke on the porch. It smelled like tobacco and home. Andy and Peter pretended to smoke by blowing steam into the air.

Because Andy decided he was older and tougher, he also began to spit over the side of the house. It was hilarious. He got Peter to do the same and then they were having a contest to see who could hock the biggest loogie. 

Then Aunt Meredith came upstairs to tell them to stop that. “Andy, you know he looks up to you! He loves you.”

Andy punched Peter in the arm. “Ha! You love me!” 

Peter didn’t punch back, he just rubbed it and looked like he didn’t know what to do.

Everyone forgot about the spitting by the time Aunt Meredith, Grandma, and Mom split a bottle of wine and started to play Kenny Loggins. Peter tried to dance to “Footloose” when he thought no one was watching, but everyone totally was. He got shy when Grandma encouraged him.

Andy was like, “Nah, come on. Dance.”

But Peter shook his head and sat down.

So Andy got up and pretended to play guitar. Grandma, because he was pretty much her favorite, clapped along. Aunt Meredith requested “Freebird” and everyone laughed. Because she was a little bit crazy, Andy wondered if she was serious.

Then they had to go to bed. For a while, Andy and Peter watched for Santa Claus out the window, looking at the sky for reindeer. All Andy saw were stars so he got tired and crawled into bed.

Peter stayed up but looked at the door, too. He and Aunt Meredith always said goodnight. It was their thing. Andy thought that was super babyish, but then Peter was six months younger. That was, like, a lifetime.

Andy sang him some “Footloose,” even though he made up most of the lyrics, and they both fell asleep before Aunt Meredith came up.

Christmas morning with Peter was pretty awesome because they both got to play with each other’s toys. They crashed their Matchbox cars together and made up fights with their action figures. The wrapping paper was great for terrain until Grandma threw it out.

The one Christmas they didn’t spend together, Andy made sure to call Peter and tell him about all the cool stuff he got in order to make him jealous. But Peter was excited about the Michael Jackson tapes his mom had scored for them and he held his phone up to the tape player so Andy could hear, which yeah, was pretty cool.

Every Fourth of July, it was their job to help Grandpa set off his probably-illegal fireworks. They were both in agreement that it was pretty much the best thing ever. Peter sometimes ducked out when it got too loud, though, to help the girls (which was what everyone called their older cousins) sell lemonade by the road. One time, Peter came back secretive and happy because one of the college students who bought lemonade had left behind his beer. Andy was the one who was nervous this time and was like, “Yeah, we should probably drink this but not get drunk.” They took turns sipping it and spitting it out behind a bush in the dry, scratchy grass.

They even tried to start a band once, though that stopped being cool when Aunt Meredith offered to play drums.

Peter kind of did a one-eighty the year his mom was diagnosed. He punched Andy in the gut for trying to grab his walkman. It was a hit like a goddamn jackknife, not just a tap on the arm. It was pretty intense. Andy wasn’t hurt or anything, though, even if he coughed for a long time.

He found Peter behind Grandpa’s garage folded up and crying, afterward. So of course he had to slide down and put his arm around him. Peter looked surprised like Andy would decide to hate him now or something.

With Andy’s dad, it had been a shock. No one expected the car accident. Peter’s mom, though? It was slow and it was like they were losing her a bit at a time. She got weaker and a little less focused. During Thanksgiving dinner, she was too queasy from the chemo to eat anything. Andy totally wanted her cranberry sauce but he figured it wouldn’t be right to ask.

Years later, when Andy is an adult and has a job and a band and lives with April, his boss Leslie decides to host a Friendsgiving instead of a Thanksgiving. It totally has everything to do with the aliens that came and invaded New York, because everyone in Pawnee and the rest of the world is looking kind of scared right now, even the Reasonablists cult. No one says it, but everyone wants family, so they tolerate Jerry’s burnt mashed potatoes and drink beer in the woods.

Ron's pretty unhappy with the fact they're not hunting their own dinner. Ann bought the cranberry sauce from the store, Ben made some pretty amazing stuffing with baby onions, and Chris has a vegan turkey thing that smells kind of like a wet dog but isn't, like, too bad.

"This isn't real food," says Ron. "None of this is capable of bleeding."

"We're all capable of bleeding," says Andy's awesome wife. "Come on, Ann, let's save Thanksgiving." Then April playfully tries to stab Ann, who seems concerned about that.

"Friendsgiving! It's Friendsgiving." Leslie takes the knife from April, who pouts all cutely.

Andy smiles at her as he eats his wet-dog-smell turkey.

"Point stands," says Ron. "Back when I lived in Missouri, I hunted my food and ate it by myself in a converted bomb shelter. I have had my very best Thanksgivings out there."

"Aw man, me too!" Andy wipes his mouth so he isn't spitting fake turkey everywhere. "Except for the bomb shelter and the hunting food and eating it."

"So just Missouri, then." Ben takes a bite of the tofu turkey, makes a face, and puts it aside.

"Yeah, I got family out near St. Louis!"

“The ones that set off illegal fireworks during Fourth of July?” Ann has a good memory.

“Yeah! Grandpa’s awesome,” Andy says.

Ron sighs. “I didn’t much like my time there.”

“Aw! Why not?”

“First, I was hiding from Tammy One. Second, they asked me to help out with a man hunt in ‘88.”

Andy stops eating. He tries to stay cool, but he can feel it. He knows what Ron’s going to say. This sort of conversation has happened before and it’s happening now.

“Like The Fugitive? Please say The Fugitive.” Tom eats the turkey happily, more or less.

Ron shakes his head. “Kid went missing. The Peter Quill kidnapping.”

Sympathetic noises all around.

Like Andy and Ben, Leslie has given up on the turkey. “I was seventeen when that happened and my parents still wouldn’t let me leave the house.”

April yawns, because he doesn’t think he’s ever told her everything, but Ann glances at Andy hurriedly, nervously. She probably remembers the very drunk night in college when he told her about Aunt Meredith’s cancer and all the awful things that happened afterward.

Andy puts his plate aside and heads toward the parking lot. As he leaves, he hears Leslie ask where he’s going. Then he can hear Ann, telling them.

After a few minutes, April joins him in their car. She brings him pizza because she’s the best wife ever.

“Donna figured on Chris making an awful turkey and everyone being awkward. She got you sausage and pepperoni.” April unfolds the napkins she wrapped the slices in.

His eyes get all puffy and red when he’s upset. He’d be ashamed, but April has seen him cry over a lot of stuff, up to and including Free Willy. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you who my cousin was.”

April frowns. “It’s your business. Man Perkins is a nurse. She’s better at emotional stuff.”

He takes her hands along with the pizza. It smells so much better than Chris’ attempt to make them healthier. “I’ll tell you something I didn’t tell her. When I wake up on Christmas morning some years, and I’m still tired, and I’m about to go get presents, I think about calling him. Then I remember. He disappeared when I was nine and I still do that.” 

Their fingers are greasy, but April’s grip on his hand tightens. “You told me your grandfather wouldn’t get a tombstone for him because they never found the body. People don’t let go, sometimes. You were close.”

Andy is quiet for a long time. “I could have been at the hospital the night he went missing, but I knew my aunt was about to die and he was going to be upset and I was too scared. I couldn’t go. I’d never seen anyone die, before.”

April doesn’t make him keep going like his middle school counselor did. She doesn’t say he shouldn’t feel guilty about not protecting someone. She doesn’t do what some of his friends do when they’re super high and suggest Peter might still be out there, you never know. 

Instead, she puts her head on his arm and says, “I bet he was awesome and I bet he thought you were awesome, too.”

When they return to camp, Chris is good-naturedly listening to everyone make fun of him about his turkey. The fire crackles and, when Andy sits down, it’s warm.

Ron gives Andy a beer and a manly nod that he’s obliged to return because manliness or something. Leslie gives him the rest of her pizza. They’re cool like that and stuff.

One of the great things about camping is the view of the stars when the fire finally goes out. Andy never managed to memorize the patterns as well as Peter did, but he can appreciate their silvery beauty, the whirls of the Milky Way. When he was super small, like preschool, he remembers thinking that the sun was just this ball and that the stars laid right down next to the Earth at night. 

Aunt Meredith had corrected him, describing a sun that could fit a million Earths, and he had mistakenly thought a million Earths were actually inside it, a million Andys, Aunt Merediths, and Peters. He had imagined an infinite furnace and he had been afraid. Now it’s a comfort, somehow, being so small in a universe so big.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter comes for a visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Un-beta'd. Mistakes my own. To the tune of Vampire Weekend's "[Cousins](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1e0u11rgd9Q%20)".

Andy doesn’t drive to Missouri for Independence Day every year, but April is sure as hell down for Grandpa’s Fourth of July. Because hell yeah, illegal fireworks! She is absolutely on board.

She was less on board with explosives for a while back when the aliens attacked New York. Pawnee’s Reasonabilists, meanwhile, rallied together and petitioned for a law that would give citizenship to interstellar beings should they come to Indiana. Since that went down, April has been more okay with saying the word “alien,” but he hasn’t told her he’s noticed.

On the way down to Missouri, she reads entries from the Black Widow’s unclassified files, the ones released online a year ago.

“She dated six Russian mafia bosses in three months! And she killed them all!” April is real excited about that. “They say she used poison. In a ring. None of them figured it out. Oh my God, I want to be her friend. We’ll go on spy missions together.”

“She can totally come over the house if she promises not to kill me, sure.” Andy laughs and wonders if any of the Avengers would like Mouserat. He could send them a CD. Tony Stark seems to be mostly into Black Sabbath which, you know, fair.

They switch to the radio because April’s music is all scary Halloween sound effects and Neutral Milk Hotel. Andy prefers the former. The radio’s weird, though, because all the stations seem to be playing the same Jackson Five song.

April plays with the dial. “What the hell?”

“I mean it’s not a bad song?” Andy says as Michael Jackson croons he’ll be coming back to him, which, in retrospect, is a bit weird.

They’re relieved when they find the “Ooga-Chaka” song from Blue Swede playing. April laughs and turns up the volume.

Then the song repeats. The next station plays it, too. No ads, just the song.

Andy tries not to flip out. “Someone probably, like, hacked all the radio stations. Can you do that with radio towers? Maybe there’s a guy climbing and messing with them the way you used to do with TV antennas.”

This cheers his wife up. “And he’s at the top of the tower swinging around? Like ‘aaaah!’” And she pretends the guy has fallen down in front of them. “And then Iron Man shows up and he's all, ‘How dare you interrupt car talk radio?’”

Andy chuckles. The radio eventually switches to Rupert Holmes’ “Pina Colada” song and then just static. 

They decide to stay in a motel for the night after that. On a bed that smells like moths and bleach, they have messy, really hot sex. He just loses himself to it, letting his brain go white, and April's totally into doing the same thing. When they start out on the road again the next day, he realizes they should have checked with the other motel guests about the radio. Maybe they were having the same thing.

They reach Grandpa's farm house outside of St. Louis that morning. Andy can see his family on some hastily spread picnic blankets on the lawn. His uncle puts on an orange hunting jacket and sneaks off into the woods with his gun. His grandma catches him and yells.

Andy thinks it’s good to be home.

As he and April stretch after goddamn hours of driving, she observes that it’s pretty weird that they took a vacation away from the Parks Department to go to a place that’s a lot like a park. Andy points out it's actually his grandpa's property and then, boom, he's jumped by five of his nieces. He has to show them how to wrestle properly, after that, which means of course grabbing a bunch of water balloons from his mom and pelting them as they laugh. April finds a Nerf gun and shoots him repeatedly which is just super adorable. His nieces scream happily.

Grandpa comes up and helps Andy to his feet. Then he hands him a beer because he and Ron are of the same school of manliness. "Remember when you got one of these from those college students?"

Andy has to think about this. "When?"

"Aw, I don't know. You were a kid."

Andy panics. “Sure! Yeah. Definitely. I, like, spat it out, though.”

“Can’t believe they did that.” He drinks. Pauses. “That was Peter, wasn’t it?”

“He gave me some,” Andy says quickly. “And we both spat it out.”

“I confused you for Pete. Aw, jeez. I’m sorry, Andrew.”

“It’s fine! Look, it happens.” Andy was one of the few in the family who completely supported Grandpa not getting Peter a gravestone. It didn’t seem right.

“I was thinking of him earlier today. A song was playing on the radio, one of the ones he and Meredith played a lot.”

“The ‘Ooga-Chaka’ one from Blue Swede, right?” Andy starts to sing. “‘I-I-I-I’m hooked on a feeling! Duh-duh duh DUH! I’m high on believing! That you’re in love with me!’”

April pauses from shooting his nieces with foam darts to look up at him and smirk.

Grandpa looks surprised. “Nah, I mean ‘Spirit in the Sky.’ But that was one of the other songs Meredith loved, like that Jackson Five one.”

Andy laughs. “What? And the Pina Colada song, too? Because it was on the radio and it was really weird because--”

“There were no ads,” says one of Andy’s aunts. She’s one of the ones on parole. Andy’s family has a history. “And it just kept playing on repeat!”

Grandma says the same thing happened when she played the radio this morning. So do half of Andy’s cousins. Soon, they’re in a circle, drinking and talking.

One of his nieces brings over her pink Barbie radio or whatever. Andy is relieved the only words coming out of it are, “Oo-ooh chiiild, things are going to get easier!” but no one else is.

Someone uses their phone to check on the news, but it’s nothing but reports on Captain America taking down a drug cartel in New York. For local news, there’s a possum infestation in the courthouse. 

When it’s dusk, the sky is just dark enough for fireworks and they’re all looking for a distraction. When Grandpa sends up the first firework, all of Andy’s nieces, nephews, and cousins-once-removed cheer.

Something bright and very much not a firework falls out of the sky, faster and bigger until Andy sees it take shape.

It’s orange and pretty damn ugly but, as a spaceship, kind of amazing. Some part of Andy thinks this as April takes his hand, her grip punishing. In her other hand, she holds a wiffle bat from one of his nieces.

Other people scream. 

The lights on the front of the ship are so bright, Andy’s vision is nothing but white for a minute. “I have a plan!” he says to her, blind and yelling. “Let’s not die!”

“I love you and if Black Widow somehow shows up and saves your life, you’re totally allowed to do it with her! I would definitely understand,” April shouts.

“Okay, cool! Same for Iron Man and you. Dude’s awesome.”

The ship grinds into the ground half a dozen yards in front of them, rolling sideways. It digs an L-shaped ditch in Grandpa’s front yard before landing on its wing. The earth and dust it kicks up coat them. 

In the distance, Andy can hear sirens. 

It probably looks like some fireworks have gone off too close to the ground. Hell, if everyone wasn’t thinking about the weird radio trouble, maybe his family would assume this was a massive prank.

But the sound of the engines dying and the way the hatch opens up? It feels real. With all that smoke from the fire, it certainly smells real. Okay, it’s like a completely different universe’s version of real, but it’s as real as a billionaire in New York piloting a spacesuit with a blue, hyper-drive heart.

In the opened hatch, there’s a black figure perfectly silhouetted. It has red, glowing eyes. Then it yells, “God damn it! The thruster’s on fire! Drax, get the foam!”

And the robot-head dude (he sounds like a dude) jumps out of the ship and races to a shot of orange flames.

An enormous, gray, bald guy pushes out of another hatch. He looks mean as all hell but then he takes out a canister and shoots the fire with it, except he trips on a NERF squirt gun. He misses. Whoosh, foam everywhere, except the fire.

“Come on! What the hell, man?” the guy with red, glowing eyes says to the gray dude.

Gray dude answers in a series of syllables that are not English in any way, shape, or form. He sounds like he’s gargling driveway gravel.

They need help. Andy’s not always very good at helping people, but he’s a fan of trying. 

April looks okay, so he separates from her and heads into Grandpa’s house. In the kitchen, he grabs the fire extinguisher under the sink. 

He comes back out and there’s one of Andy’s nieces stomping on the fire that’s spilled over onto the grass. She’s young, just this kid in a yellow dress and those pink jelly sandals. Andy runs to her but then gray dude is there. He picks her up and stomps out the fire himself. Then he deposits her back on the ground very carefully, so as not to ruin her dress.

Oh, Andy thinks. He’s okay. He looks weird but, like, he’s probably okay.

The entire family is running around like chickens with their heads cut off. Andy’s cousin with the hunting jacket has made a run for the forest after all. One of Andy’s aunts has grabbed a watermelon from the picnic table and looks as if she’s trying to protect it at all costs.

Andy makes it to the ship and turns on the extinguisher. The foam kills a jet of flame like, bam! Bet you thought you could screw with me, huh? Nope!

Andy feels pretty smug until his wife screams.

He turns and April is being pulled away from the ship by a green woman with a sword. Why would a green woman obviously from space need a sword? But that’s a lot less important because April hits her with the wiffle bat. The green woman pauses and just sort of looks confused. She asks a question, but it’s all words Andy doesn’t know.

“Gamora! Adjust your translator!” The guy with the red glowing eyes hits something on the back of his neck. His face mask retracts immediately, revealing what is essentially Han Solo with a beard.

“Oh my God!” April turns to Andy. “Why do you have a hot clone from space?”

Not-Han Solo looks at Andy and Andy stares back.

No. No, it’s not Peter. He’s the right age, he looks pretty similar, but it can’t be him.

Andy can’t seem to control his fingers and drops the fire extinguisher on the grass.

The green woman frowns and presses something on the back of her neck. “Peter, you sent word to your family we were coming, yes?”

“I sent music?” The guy—okay, fine, Peter rubs his arm and smiles. Oh God. It is. It’s him. “I figured a verbal message would be intercepted by Nebula?”

“God damn it!” Someone small with a striped tail jumps out of the ship, which is mostly not on fire anymore. It’s still producing tons of smoke, though. “What did you do, Star-Load?”

From living in Pawnee with its history of possum, gopher, and various other infestations, Andy’s learned to identify raccoons quickly and with extreme prejudice. This one is on hind legs. 

Andry grabs the wiffle bat from April and throws it at him.

The raccoon dude flinches.

“Hey!” Peter charges forward and pushes Andy. “Lay off them! They’re, like, my family!”

Something goes off in Andy’s brain. It’s hotter than the fire he just put out. He rounds on Peter and punches him right in the nose.

“Son of a bitch!” Peter reels back and checks his nose. Once he confirms it isn’t broken, he headbutts Andy which, agh, fucking hurts. 

“Your family?” Andy roars. Then he grabs the wiffle bat off the ground near the raccoon. “Tell me about your family, man! Go on!”

“Sound great!” Peter wears the biggest smile in the world and tackles him. 

Andy whacks him repeatedly with the bat. There’s a lot of muscles for it to bounce off of. When he’s pulled into a headlock, he watches his wife framed with Peter’s amazing forearm.

The raccoon looks at April. “Do humans, like, not take back their young if someone else’s scent is on them?”

“I don’t know,” April says, accepting the situation immediately. “Probably.”

“I’m prepared to apologize on Peter’s behalf,” says the green woman. “We like him, but he has been a companion of many flaws.”

“Would you mind helping me?” Peter says to the woman.

“No, because you and the man that looks like you aren’t hurting each other. I think I’ll go and help move the ship instead.” The woman leaves and the raccoon scampers after her on all fours, which is actually super cute.

Andy whacks Peter in the face, open-handed.

“Idiots!” Grandpa runs up, looking pretty pissed off.

“Grandpa!” Peter looks sort of dopey when he says that.

Andy mimics him, smirking. “‘Grandpa!’”

Peter whacks Andy’s face. Grandpa whacks Peter.

“Get off each other,” says Grandpa. “Jesus Christ.”

They stand awkwardly.

Grandpa hugs Peter which, okay, was maybe the thing Andy should have done in the first place, but know what? He’s mad. This is someone showing up without explanation after years of being “dead.” In outerspace. Making friends with a talking raccoon and the Wicked Witch of the West. Fuck hugging.

“I knew it was aliens. I saw the ship. I couldn’t tell anyone, but I knew.” Grandpa doesn’t let go of Peter. Instead he says, through grit teeth, “The gray fella just said you’re all on the run.”

Peter looks like he tries to pull away but can’t. “Yeah? From Nebula? She’s a space pirate queen, kind of. And Thanos.”

“Why are they chasing you?”

“I was in space?”

Grandpa finally releases him. “I figured that part out! Christ. This is just like your cousin showing up running from the cops because they found pot in his locker.”

“That was years ago and I was holding it for my friend at school!” Andy rolls his eyes. “What, is that illegal?”

“Yes, Andy.” April takes hold of his hand. “But that’s not the important part. The important part is whether or not your friend is still in town and if he sells any.”

“Andy,” Peter mouths. Then he turns and stares at him. Really stares. “What? No. What?”

Andy glares right back at him and pulls April close.

Grandpa scowls. “You need to be protected or what?”

Peter jumps. “Um, yes?”

“Okay. Good. Fine.” Grandpa’s in full crank mode and it’s a little scary. “If you don’t need the cops here, I’m chasing them off. They can come back here with a warrant. I know my rights.” He scoops the wiffle bat off the ground and stalks off.

“Are you his cousin that disappeared when you were kids?” April interrupts the silence, still holding onto Andy. “Did space make you hot?”

“I think so?” Peter squints at her. “Am I related to you?”

An enormous Wizard of Oz tree man gets out of the ship. He is, like, Hulk-tall. Andy is terrified all over again. “I am Groot?” he asks the family members still on the lawn. Someone screams, probably one of Andy’s nephews.

Peter rushes over to the tree man and gives him a bro half-hug. Andy feels a new wave of resentment.

“You okay?” April asks him.

“Of course I am,” Andy’s answer is automatic. “What about you? Creepy aliens?”

“They’re okay.” April watches the ship lift and everyone goes “ooh” real loud. “I think the green lady’s a sexy assassin person.”

“Really?”

“She has that vibe,” April says like an expert.

The fire is out. Andy doesn’t know what his Grandpa said to the cops, but they’re not there anymore.

***

Once the fire’s out and the ship’s out back clumsily covered by a blue tarp, Andy’s cousins, nieces, and nephews readily accept Peter. He has the Dwyer-Quill features right where they’re supposed to be and he swaggers like Indiana Jones. Also, it takes the kids in the family all of zero seconds to fall madly in love with Groot.

Hell, Andy thinks he’s amazing. Groot grows vines from his arms that allow the kids to swing on him. He has this wrinkled, old man face that sweetens when it smiles. Andy’s high school years have well prepared him for the fact plants would just be the chillest sentient beings ever, at least.

The raccoon stays close to the tree and that’s totally understandable. He eyes the kids nervously, like they’re about the jump on him and pull his tail. They don’t, though. 

Drax the Destroyer and Gamora the...Gladiator? They’re tougher sells. Everyone looks at them weirdly, especially when Gamora sits back on the couch with the ugly blanket on it. She puts her feet up on the coffee table, too.

“We ain’t going to tell anybody, are we?” Grandpa announces to everyone gathered in the living room. “Are we?”

“What about the Avengers?” says Andy’s mom. “One of them will probably show up in his metal suit or whatever.”

“Only Iron Man has the suit,” Andy says.

“Oh! Thanks, dear.”

Peter chuckles. “Avengers? Who? That’s not a cool name. Neither is Iron Man. None of those names are cool.”

“Uh, they’re the coolest names,” Andy informs him.

“It doesn’t sound very different from ‘Star-lord,’” Gamora agrees. “Is it a practice among your people to come up with codenames?”

“If they’re super cool superheroes like you who blow up tons of stuff, yes.” April sits right down next to Gamora.

Gamora looks pleased. “I appreciate your recognition of my ‘coolness.’”

“Were you, like, ever an assassin who killed people in tons of different ways?”

At once, Gamora seems solemn. “It’s a tragic story, though things are better now. It ties into why we’re here. We’re looking for the Infinity Stones.”

April is elated. “You should tell us about it. About the tragedy of it. With details.”

One of Andy’s uncles pipes up. “Might as well. I’m just sticking around to see if Peter and Andy beat the shit out of each other again.”

To Andy’s horror, pretty much everyone nods in agreement: aunts, cousins, and Drax the Destroyer. “It was very amusing,” he says.

Even Grandma is all, “That wasn’t real fighting. Pete looks like he should be able to break Andy’s nose.”

“Mom,” says Andy’s mom.

Peter is about as happy about that assessment as Andy. “Grandma!” Peter says.

“Yeah, I’d be able to beat him up, first,” Andy announces.

“No, you wouldn’t,” April informs him. On the couch, she’s begun to mimic Gamora’s posture, even putting her boots on the coffee table. “Why are you so wound up?”

“My dead cousin’s here and everyone’s acting like it’s normal to show up with his space family!” Andy says.

“We’re the Guardians of the Galaxy, actually,” Peter says. “Also a cool name.”

Andy considers that. It is an awesome name. 

“You boys got a problem? Go outside and talk about it. I’m tired as all hell and have had it up to here with your squabbling. Straighten out your shit and come back when you’re done.” Grandpa sits down, too. 

Andy’s mom agrees. “Gamora’s gonna tell us all about this gem stuff.”

“Stones,” says Rocket the Raccoon, who’s gotten his tiny little Raccoon hands on a remote control car. Much to the interest of Andy’s nieces, he’s taking it apart.

“Whatever,” says Grandpa. “Andy? Peter? Scram. We’ll call you when we need you.”

Andy’s kind of pissed but doesn’t say anything because the uncle that wants them to fight is all, “Aww, come on!” which is dumb.

Peter follows Andy out of house, sort of sweeping from it with his long, red coat. Okay, so he dresses cool, now, too.

They make it to the side of the garage. Andy leans against the siding. “What was with the music?”

“We’re trying to fly under the radar,” Peter says quickly. “Tactical. We’re trying to play it smart. Be people of action.” 

“Tactical.” Andy kind of smiles. Maybe Peter’s kind of cool himself, too. Like, cooler than Bert Macklin, even.

“It’s the best music in the universe. Had it since I, um, left. Why shouldn’t I use it?” Peter sort of looks up at the stars and smiles, and it makes Andy ache thinking of that hospital. “Soon as we got near Terra? God. We were picking up nothing but ‘Mmm-bop’ and ‘Girl, you’re beautiful because you don’t know you’re beautiful’ or whatever. I don’t think anything good has come out since 1988.”

Andy snorts. “Oh come on, man. Don’t say that.”

“It’s true! I can’t listen to it without cringing. Are there any good bands?”

“I’m in a band.”

Peter’s eyes go wide and he sort of grabs Andy’s arm. “Are you serious?”

He sets his shoulders back. “Yeah. Mouserat. I write all our music.”

“No way!”

“Dude. You’re a Flash Gordon-Superman space captain!”

“Yeah, but I’m not in a band!”

Andy smiles slowly. “Okay, let me go grab my iPhone from the car, and I’ll play some songs, okay? We are totally awesome, but, like, don’t expect it to be more awesome than every other band in the universe.”

“Terra’s special,” says Peter. “Other people got music, but we’ve got the most unique stuff ever.”

“Like, special enough that you have to stay away from it for years at a time? With your adopted family?” Andy hates being mad at people, but he doesn’t know what to do when he is.

Peter leans against the garage, too. “I was kidnapped, at first.”

Oh. Oh shit. Andy feels like a complete tool, now. “What, really?”

“By space pirates.”

“Okay, that’s kind of cool.” Andy realizes after he says that it’s probably offensive. “Except with you being kidnapped, maybe.”

Peter smiles. “It had its moments.”

Andy gets his iPhone and they listen to Mouserat while talking about pirating and alien babes.

“But tentacles, right?” Andy leans close. “Have you met a lady with some?”

Looking all smug and pleased, Peter’s like, “More than a few. There’s a whole species and they got these teeth.”

Andy thinks that’s amazing. He’s down with Peter filling in the details.

“That girl with the dark hair, though, right?” Peter nods toward the house. “My instincts say she’s totally into you.”

“Aw yeah, totally into me! We’re married!”

Peter chokes. “What?”

“We’re thinking about kids, honestly. It can be an excuse to have toys in the house and keep my marshmallow gun.”

“They make those?” He looks like a man who thinks marshmallows are mythical.

“Yeah!”

“You are a goddamn king.”

“No way, you’re the king, but, like a space captain. Literally a pirate space captain king guy.”

“I guess. It’s got its drawbacks. I’m sorry to say it, but being successful at being a space whatever-the-hell-I’m-doing? It means I couldn’t come back here.” Peter looks at him all meaningfully.

“Aw, jeez, no, stop. We all thought you were dead, and that was dumb and horrible and I’m still pretty pissed about that, you selfish son a bitch--”

“Fair.”

“And I’ve cried a lot. Really loud, drunk crying.”

“Oh.”

“’Cuz you’re such a dick.”

“Thanks.”

“But I love you and you found the right kind of life for yourself.”

Peter looks touched.

“One where you can be a dick and get it on with hot, tentacle women like in a Japanese video game,” Andy further clarifies.

“A what?”

April appears out of the darkness. “When you’re done making up and making out, your grandpa says to come in.” 

“Mrs. Andy Dwyer!” Peter takes her into a hug. It’s the sort of bear hug Andy gives, but because he’s shorter than Andy, it looks less like he’s about to absorb her. “Aw, welcome to the family!”

“Okay. Great. Cool.” She pulls away with ease, being that is she isn’t the biggest hugger with other people. “We’ll have plenty of time to do that while we’re driving you and the Guardians to get Earth citizenship in Pawnee.”

“Oh yeah!” Andy grins. “That’s a thing!”

Peter looks concerned. “I was born here. And Gamora and Drax and everyone aren’t going to stay, or anything.”

“Yeah, but the alien attack in New York thing means everyone kind of hates all aliens, even if they’re awesome ladies who tell you they’ll show you how to throw knives later,” April says. “Which is the other reason we’re driving you back to Pawnee with us, by the way.”

“Wait, what?” Peter’s eyes grow huge. “Attack on New York?”

And Andy will explain it, tomorrow, when they’re driving down the highway in an overloaded car. They’ll talk about the Chitauri and the Avengers and Stark Tower and the portal over New York in between stops at Denny’s and McDonalds. It will be the sort of road trip where they play music really loud and try to make the trucks they pass honk at them. 

Or they’ll talk about the dark things billions of light years away that want to kill all the people on Earth in their sleep.

Right now, tonight, with his wife and his cousin, Andy is full of peace. Somewhere in the distance, fireworks go off, and colored smoke slides over the stars.

He lets out a warrior yell and grabs April and Peter into one, large hug. They all laugh as he carries them into the house.


End file.
